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Heather … Jesus Christ. Jeff Bridges quickly rediscovers his bath-time equilibrium. What do you do with that hair? Recently, I was taking a bath with my water-damaged laptop perched on top of my closed toilet, watching the perfect show Sharp Objects. The cherry on top of this hell sundae: The tub is the perfect size:

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You are the queen and everyone is mad at you. Her brief confrontation with her subconscious is also a healthy bath-time activity, too. Well, this is it. This is an extremely aspirational bath: How fancy are the accoutrements? The only problem here — outside of the color palette being a bit grim — is that Jennifer is sitting the wrong way in the bathtub.

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This bath would be number one if not for the rude intrusion of Richard Gere, staring freakily at Julia Roberts as she tries to enjoy herself without a man for one goddamn minute.

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Worse than a sex bath is a bath interloper, and worse than a bath interloper is a bath eavesdropper. An important reminder that a truly good bath takes place in the mind, not the body. Also, all baths involving more than one person inside the tub itself are eliminated from this list, because sex baths are not the same thing as baths. However, points docked for the extraneous husband, standing directly outside the bathroom and listening in, and the bird, watching Joan Allen like a goddamn maniac. The bubbles are mountainous. Is the person in immediate danger of being interrupted?

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I am sick. Docked points for ugly lighting, unfortunately. Moreover, Al is violating the golden rule of a good bath by allowing two separate people to roam around in the bathroom with him one of whom is Michelle Pfeiffer ; why are you taking this doom bath when you could be hanging out with Michelle Pfeiffer? You have a nice, jolly laugh to yourself. Plus, she has a loofah and candles! More Stories. This is an extremely aspirational bath:

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